Thinking of getting involved with someone who had kids? These two videos may have you running for the hills, or running to Toys R Us. These are two very different views (and Alison and Tony’s Signature 2-views from leather and lace advice) on how to handle “baby mamma drama” (from The Real) and from MANSOME, some basic tips for guys.
Let’s start with a woman’s perspective: Adrienne from “The Real” TV show opens up about dating a man with kids. Can it be done without all the drama? How self-less do you need to be to make it work?
–and from a man’s point of view, a video from MANSOM. Can a man find happiness dating a woman with kids? According to Therapist Dr. Joseph Cilona there are more than 10 million single women with kids out there, so if you’re a single guy looking to hook up with an instant family, watch this video, read our comments, than add some of your own. Are you a single parent? Do you agree with this advice?
Alison’s Take: It takes a special man to accept the fact that a single woman with kids is going to put her kids first and I think the same goes for the ladies. You have to be a mature adult to be a good parent, and that is doubly so if you are a step-parent. Make sure that you don’t need a “mom” or “dad” to take care of you, before you step in to take care of a child.
In the MANSOME video, Dr. Cilona suggests offering to pay for the baby sitter because it is “thoughtful” but I think this sends the message that the single mom you want to date can’t manage her kids without your (financial or otherwise) help. I guess this would be ok after you’ve been seeing each other for a while, but certainly not on the first couple of dates. And I don’t know how many men (control freaks that they can be) would be satisfied with a “lukewarm response” to their presence from that single mom’s kids, let alone a negative one. You can’t be the parent, and it’s awkward to be a “friend.” Kids can easily sabotage any kind of budding relationship, and often do. Forget hanging out too long at her house, or spending steaming nights, or even relaxing over brunch on weekends, either. I do agree that kids are smarter than many adults, and they will know if you try to suck up to them and it’s not genuine..so just don’t do it. But there is so much more to this issue than you’ll get in a short video!
As to the video from The Real,” that “baby mamma drama” can be a deal-breaker. It would be wise to know how both sets of parents relate to one another and to their kids. If one is very permissive and the other one isn’t, or if the parents don’t get alone, you’re going to get trapped in the middle or worse, used by all as a weapon against each other. And who wants to be home alone or a third wheel on all those special occasions that parents and ex-partners, still share? Some families blend easily, but a lot never do. There is a lot more to dating someone with kids than what’s being presented –at least it’s something to really think about before jumping in with both feet. Blending families, or becoming a step-parent, is not for everyone.