Dear Leather and Lace: My friends and I are now in our 50’s and just for fun, we started compiling a list of things we wish we would have known to tell our “younger selves” about dating and finding love. We were wondering if you have a few choice thoughts on that you’d be willing to share for our list?
Alison’s Take: We were amused by your question because there are so many things we really don’t “get” when we are younger. We definitely don’t believe what the older folks tell us either. And that’s a shame, because if we did listen to what those “older folks” told us about what they learned about life and love over the years, we might not have had to suffer so much! We all know that our “younger selves” should listen to those who have lived, loved and learned, but will they? Probably not. Each person has to learn from their own mistakes. That being said, here are some things that we think our younger selves could really have benefited from:
1. The person you think you will love forever when you are very young will probably not be the same type of person you will choose when you are older.
2. Men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus, they are from the same planet. If you just think of the opposite sex as “people” when you meet them you will find conversation a whole lot less awkward.
3. It might be tempting to try and change yourself to be more “loved” but in the end, you can only be authentic and comfortable with your life when you embrace who you really are.
4. Game players, liars and users always get found out.
5. It really is OK to say NO to anyone and anything
6. Even if your heart is broken today the chances are very good that you will love again. Hearts, heal.
7. You can’t make someone love you if they really don’t.
8. There is always more than one person for you. Know what you want, seek and you shall find!
9. If you don’t love yourself, you don’t make a great case for someone else to want you either.
10. The most magical thing in the world is to find someone that loves you as much as you love them. It is more than that, someone you can be passionate about that is passionate about you.
Tony’s Take:
1. Be interested and listen to your partner
2. Do not be shy — if sex isn’t working properly, say something. or change something.
3. Many partners are reflective. They reflect your passion. It may be difficult to be passionate with someone who doesn’t seem to be as passionate as you are but it may be necessary to get them started.
4. Any woman who you enjoy talking to and seems to enjoy talking to you is a girlfriend candidate. Don’t be shy. If you like her, woo her.
5. An ultimate question for a woman is “Do I want this man to be the father of my children”.
6. Almost all men below age 27 make poor husbands, for many it is age 30.
7. Biologically women mature three to four years earlier than men, thus biologically your ideal is three to four years older than you are. Most women are attracted to men who are at most three years younger to five years older (study done at a dating site). Mentally you will be on the same wave length with men up to ten years older (they have the same generational influences as you do).
8. Most men are clueless, they can not take a hint
9. Even the guys who flirt with you do not expect you to respond, and thus miss the indications of interest you throw at them.
10. Many women are oblivious to simple things which will steer a guy away. The first thing a guy checks (after he looks at her eyes, and possibly her cleavage), is whether she is wearing a wedding band or engagement ring. In these day of non-traditional, any ring on that finger suffices.
WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE US ADD TO THIS LIST? WHAT IS THE BEST PIECE OF ADVICE YOU’VE EVER GOTTEN OR GIVEN? PLEASE SHARE IT WITH US IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW, OR SEND IT TO US VIA EITHER OUR CONTACT US OR QUESTIONS? LINK IN THE RED NAVIGATION BAR ABOVE. WE CAN READ YOUR COMMENTS AND YOUR EMAILS BUT WE CAN’T READ YOUR MIND, SO PLEASE GET IN TOUCH WITH US!!!
Don’t pretend that the world is a fair place.
Hard work does not always pay off, but not trying never pays off