Exclusive Leather and Lace SPICE Interview with Super Star Shy Love @MoneyLoveSuccess
As the “resident” book reviewer for Leather and Lace SPICE, I recently reviewed two very good dating/relationship books written by an unusual expert — a former porn star named Shy Love. As the author of several books in this genre myself, I was curious, but dubious, that they’d be any good. I was surprised and delighted to discover that Shy Love offered sound advice. Read my reviews of How to Land a Rich Man (for women) & How to Catch a Kitten (for men).
Shy Love intrigued me. She starred in numerous adult films, was nominated for Female Performer of the Year at the 2006 AVN Awards, and was inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame in 2013. She then ended her career as an adult performer to become a mother, wife, and entrepreneur. Her Adult Talent Managers (ATM/LA) agency became one of the industry’s largest adult modeling agencies. Today, Shy Love, (her legal name is Sheelah Blumberg), is focusing on her books and consulting business (MoneyLoveSuccess.com).
Brains and beauty are a powerful combination, but Shy Love has worked hard on all her assets, She is a CPA (certified public account) and has a Bachelors in Accounting, and a Masters in Accounting and one in Taxation from Nova Southeastern University. Tony and I were excited to talk to this multi-facted, multi-talented woman. Shy Love may not be the typical porn star, but we hope you will find our phone interview with her to be fascinating. Note: In this interview, we use direct quotes wherever possible, but some questions have paraphrased answers for clarity. (intro. by Alison Blackman for Leather and Lace Spice)
Super Star Shy Love Talks about Money, Love & Success, Dating Advice & Porn & Books (Her Books)
Leather and Lace Spice: You give lots of good advice in your books . Was it all from personal experience, or did you go to other sources for research?
SHY LOVE: Most of the advice and techniques in these dating books are from Shy Love’s personal experience, or from the experiences of her friends that she helped through the meeting and dating process. But she told us that before she wrote them down in books, she tested those tactics she used to meet her own husband, whom she describes as: ” one of the most understanding men the entire world” in other real world situations. “I took my (wedding) ring off and I would go to different places and try all the tactics on other rich men ( 67 of them, and “rich” meaning multi millionaires to billionnaires).” I never did anything with anyone,” Shy said, “but every time I tried to attract these other men using all the steps in the book, I always got the guys, so I know that the tactics work.” FYI: Shy has been with her husband almost ten years and they have two children. Explains Shy: ” We got married in 2010, but we’ve been together for ten years.”
Leather and Lace Spice: You now do private consulting as well. What kinds of people seek out your services and what issues are most difficult for them to deal with?
SHY LOVE: So far, Shy Love has written three books: How to Land a Rich Man; How to Catch a Kitten; and How to Make Money in Adult Entertainment. “A lot of my consulting business is from people who have seen my success in the adult industry and want to consult me on that,” said Shy. For the dating books, the audience is obviously different. One man wanted to get advice on how to deal with a cheating wife and get her to focus on him again, but mostly when it comes to male clients, it is helping the men to polish up their act. Shy focuses on things like taking them shopping, helping them build confidence, teaching them how to talk (to women) and walk (with confidence). “It’s kind of like revamping an entire person,” she says.
Once that is done, Shy will take them to bars and get them to test out their new found social skills. According to Shy, most of these guys are not losers, they are just not well groomed or all that socially skilled. “Parents are so busy working or not wanting you to grow up, so mothers might not show their daughters how to put on makeup or do their hair, and parents might not teach their children how to be the best they can be in terms of how to socialize. Fathers don’t teach their sons how to pick up a girl, so these guys who don’t have friends to do it with have to learn it on their own.”
Women also consult with Shy. She told us about a private dinner event she did recently in Beverly Hills for six female clients who wanted to learn how to attract rich men. It was absolutely amazing” said Shy. Two or three women immediately got phone numbers from (wealthy) men and later went on dates with these men and are still dating them months later. Impressive! Shy also says that the first woman to a date was not nearly the slimmest or the prettiest, but was simply the most confident.
Leather and Lace Spice: Most of the advice in How to Land a Rich Man is useful to any woman. But beauty really helps. If you were still single and at a singles event with other single women of average looks, what advice could you give those women to get the men to gravitate to them, if beautiful women like you are in the room and competing for attention?
SHY LOVE: I expected Shy to balk at this question, but she began without any hesitation. The first thing she said was that she wasn’t always so beautiful. She worked hard to make herself into the image of what society thinks is one of beauty. And although she is knock-down-dead gorgeous, she admitted that she’s wearing braces right now. In the past she had glasses, braces, horrible hair, bad boobs. “Trust me, if you go on Instagram I have posted before and after photos so that people can understand that I used to be a very ugly, ugly, ugly girl” Note: if you look at Shy’s photos you will see that she looks different, but certainly not painfully bad. “What I did was I converted myself to look the way I want. I worked hard at it. It is too completely different looks,” said Shy.
After a moment’s pause, shy continued her advice to women who are not the thinnest, most gorgeous, or who think they don’t deserve someone amazing (for whatever reason). Her advice is valuable and if you are single and looking, and reading this interview, read this paragraph twice! First, she says that a lot of wealthy men don’t always marry the most beautiful women. Many wealthy men consider marriage no different from a business arrangement and they’re not going to just give up their wealth to some girl just because she’s hot. Shy knows (she dated many rich men and married one) and she repeats this over and over again in How to Land a Rich Man: if you want to capture the attention and heart of a rich and powerful man, you need to have way more substance than just beauty (if you doubt it, consider that Prince Charles ditched the beautiful and potential future Queen, Princess Diana for the decidedly dowdy/ugly Camilla Parker Bowles). To compete with women who are more beautiful than you are, work on how you present yourself, how you speak, and you will draw attention to yourself. “Be comfortable within your own skin. If you feel sexy within your own skin you will naturally portray that and it will draw a group of men,” Shy offers.
Think about the friends you have who seem to be natural “man magnets and read: My Friend Keeps Stealing My Boyfriends and I’m Really Upset (on Leather and Lace Advice). Shy also suggests that every woman work on improving her looks. If she can do it, you can too. Her advice for women is to go out of your comfort zone when mingling and not just stay close to your friends. “Talk to other people,” she urges. “Find a bar where you are comfortable and go to happy hour because guys go to these places straight after work and they’re looking to unwind and talk to anyone. If you go there and listen, learn a bit about what they do, you can make friends with a guy. He might not ask for your number in front of his friends, but they’ll see your confidence and this “weird sex appeal that they can’t explain” and the guys will be drawn to you,” she adds.
Leather and Lace Spice: What do you think is the biggest mistake people make when choosing a partner?
SHY LOVE: Do people marry just for money? Shy Love was diplomatic about this. Shy says some girls are truly happy to be with someone just for money, but at least for her, that wasn’t the case as she has to deal with her husband on a daily basis and make business decisions with him. Explains Shy: “My rule is if I can’t spend three days alone with you just alone sitting with you and be happy, how am I going to spend a life with you? For me, it’s very important to have more than just money?” she says. She advises women to get a job because wealthy men don’t want a girl that sits around doing nothing all day long, just spending their money. “You don’t have to make a fortune yourself, but you have to show that you can make an effort and that you have your own life. They want a girl who is trying, not a gold digger” she says, adding that when moving into a world of wealth you have to be able to find a man you can relate to while still being yourself. At this point Shy stops the interview to order a watermelon martini (Tony and I say we’ll drink virtually over the phone and we all laugh). Then Shy gets serious and continues: “Women will go out with a man whose looks aren’t their first choice but whose personality they like, but men go for lust first.” In other words, men really do look at what’s on the outside first and then they play a little game of pretending to be unavailable so the woman will fight to go out with him. As they start dating, he drops the pretense, because no one can keep that going forever.
Leather and Lace Spice: Do you believe that women should ask men out? “
SHY LOVE: Shy Love hesitated and then said: “There’s nothing wrong with it” but then she added that if a woman does the asking, there’s no challenge, and the men tend to get bored and move to someone else. “It’s a huge risk,” she admonishes. Her advice for women who want to take the initiative is to make him think that he was the one who thought of it and initiated the conversation.
Leather and Lace Spice: Did you ever have a REALLY bad date and can you share it with us?
SHY LOVE: By this time in the interview, I was convinced that anyone could use Shy love’s techniques to find the man or women of their dreams, but not every date has a happy ending. So I had to ask — do beautiful women like Shy Love ever have dates from Hell? Apparently, they do. As Shy Love recalls one bad date: “He picked me up in a very nice car, and he was a really good looking guy. He took me to a drive-through in McDonalds and said What do you want to eat? I looked at him said: You know what, I don’t want anything, I’m fine, just eat what you want to eat and we’ll go to the next part of our night. After eating the food and we’re parked and we didn’t even go in I said, you know what? I am getting a headache and I’m feeling really really stressed, can you drive me back home?” Note: Shy never answered another one of his calls.
Leather and Lace Spice: Our website is all about enhancing intimacy. Why do you think people fail at this in their relationships? Do you have any tips from your own experience?
SHY LOVE: I’m going to boil Shy’s answer down to it’s essence. What Shy Love said is basic and we all know it, but how many of us really do it? When we first start dating someone we make an effort in all that we do to make our partner feel happy and appreciated. We take extra care with how we look, dress and act. When it comes to intimacy, we make passionate gestures (Shy mentioned giving her lover blow jobs in the car or having sex in random places). Over time however, women don’t maintain themselves quite as much, maybe they gain s weight, or they give excuses to avoid sex. “If you’re in a serious relationship or once you get married, that’s the end of those BJs” , says Shy. But that’s what’s a man wanted in the first place and then you’re taking it away, so of course intimacy wanes and then he’s going to wander and then he’s going to want to upgrade” admonishes Shy. When it comes to (wealthy) men, a woman he to make sure that the things a guy (paid) for are still available to him, and he still has to do the same (e.g. not get fat, dress well,etc.), but since the men in these relationships are often the breadwinners, they can get away with more. “Do you want the guy to go work out in the gym all day long or do you want him to go and bring home the bacon?” she asks. “I want him to bring me a watermelon martini, right now!” Alison says (Alison and Shy Love, share a laugh) Interview, continues….
Leather and Lace Spice: What is the most important thing about love that you want your children to know? “
SHY LOVE: “You need to be friends in order to be in love.” Marry your best friend” says Shy. That is her best advice, because when the “in love” stage passes, friendship is what will make a marriage last longer than anything else.
Leather and Lace Spice: What other businesses, books or projects are you currently working on?
SHY LOVE: Shy has her three books, and her consulting business, and she’s pondering what the next entrepreneurial move will be. She told Leather and Lace Spice that the next book might be one about how to create a profitable talent agent. But on the topic of actual business ventures, she was more subdued. Shy had a talent agency which was the top one in the adult industry, and then sold it. “I’m really good at creating talent agencies and making them extremely popular and making them really big and I can do it with my eyes closed,” she proudly claims. She also had a nightclub at one point in Colorado.
Leather and Lace Spice: How do you balance your work life with your personal life?
SHY LOVE: Other than her children, Shy says she doesn’t have much time for a personal life. She says she only has maybe three of four days a week for herself, and the rest is business or taking care of the children. Since she travels and her husband travels, they alternate travel so one of them is always with the children. When he comes home though, she may be leaving so they don’t have a lot of time to spend together “but over ten years later, we’re still together” says Shy.
Leather and Lace Spice: You have been quoted as saying that you quit being a porn star because you wanted to be a mother. Then you were inducted into the AVN Hall of fame in 20013 after performing in more than 300 adult movies. Did being a porn star and then a mother, change your views of life and love?
SHY LOVE: In her books, Shy continually says to be true to who you are, and be yourself. She lives that. Shy said that being a porn star didn’t change her other than the experience allowed her to learn how to use her sexuality to take advantage of people and it made her more comfortable in her own skin. “The adult industry helped me learn how to use my brain and my body at the same time.” Shy said being in the adult industry didn’t change her as a person. ” The person you are on camera is not the person you are at home. At home I’ve always been very conservative and very modest, and I have never broken those rules, never.” Shy said.
Leather and Lace Spice: Is that why you were called “Shy Love?”
SHY LOVE: “Yes, that’s how my name was created. When I first got into the business, I didn’t talk speak to anyone. I would go on the set and keep my mouth shut, do my scene and then leave, I was so shy. That’s how I got the name Shy,” she says.
Leather and Lace Spice: How could the adult industry become more “user-friendly” to the average woman, and to couples?
SHY LOVE: Shy says a lot of her fans are couples and have been for years. She admits that in the past, a lot of the porn was about aggression more than about romance and passion, but she thinks that in the last couple of years the themes have become more about romance and passion “which is really weird” she says. Shy says she thinks a lot of couples and a lot of women do watch porn but they just don’t admit that they do it. She claims that the actual statistics bear out that more people are watching adult movies than every major US sport, combined. So according to Shy (and Leather and Lace Spice would have to agree), that means there have to be a lot of couples and women looking at it, not just men.
You might assume that porn stars watch a lot of porn, but Shy says she doesn’t really watch the new movies. She also stresses that it is the actors (“the talent”) that makes the quality difference. If the talent is very emotional and passionate and it’s genuine, then the viewer sees it. Shy says that the actors don’t necessarily have to be attracted to one another, but they have to be into each other “in that moment.” She shared with us that if she was in a scene with a guy that she really wasn’t into, she’d close her eyes and focus on a guy that she was genuinely into and use that to make it look like she was totally into the man she was working in the scene with. Says Shy: “There was this camera guy that I totally had a crush on, and every time we’d shoot I’d look at him and it would look like I’d have huge passion on camera and no one realized that I’m flirting with the camera guy.”
Leather and Lace Spice: Are you still producing or directing films now too?
SHY LOVE: Here’s a bit of a scoop: Shy Love told Leather and Lace Spice that there is a little mini project she hasn’t announced yet, but she’ll be producing quite a bit of it. She is also working on a mainstream mini series, but isn’t wasn’t ready to give us additional details.We’ll be waiting, and watching!
It was a true pleasure to speak to Shy Love. She not only has a magnetic personality, with brains and beauty to go with it. We really liked her books and we think they can help a lot of men and women. If the Q&A in this interview and the advice Shy Love is offering here, interests you, here are some ways to connect!
Visit MoneyLoveSuccess: http://moneylovesuccess.com/