Leather and Lace Advice

Advice for relationships, friendships, love, intimacy

Follow Us!

Follow Us on TwitterFollow Us on FacebookFollow Us on Google+Follow Us on About.meFollow Us on RSSFollow Us on PinterestFollow Us on YouTubeFollow Us on WordpressFollow Us on AdviceSisters.comFollow Us on FacebookBroup Great Relationships JOIN US!
  • Home
  • Questions/Advice
  • Contact Us
  • Articles
  • Archives
  • About Us
  • Press
  • Privacy/Legal
  • COMMUNICATING
    • Communicating in Relationships
    • Enhancing Intimacy
    • Infidelity and Affairs
    • Living Together
    • Trust/Jealousy
  • DATING
    • Dating Issues
    • Dating Tips & Advice
    • Reviews
  • FRIENDS & FAMILY
    • Friend & family issues
    • Friendship
    • Work & Love
  • RELATIONSHIPS
    • going forward
    • Difficult Relationships
    • Divorce
    • Making a Commitment
    • Relationship Tips & Advice
  • SPICE!
    • Intimate Interviews
    • Intimate Reviews
    • Sex Issues
      • Spicy Topics & Adult Passion

Our Religions Are Hurting Us, Can Love Keep Us Together?

October 16, 2014 By: aandtcomment

 

Our Religious Differences Are Pulling Us Apart, Can Love Keep Us Together?

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for several years.  However, She is Sikh and I am Hindu and while we were just friends this wasn’t that much of an issue, but as I got more serious with her, she began telling me that she is unsure of our religious and cultural differences.  She says she loves me but she isn’t in love with me, but I do love her, and I don’t believe her when she says she doesn’t love me.  She shows me she does, in all the ways that count.   Now, she says she only wants to be my friend, not my marriage partner. But she also said that she wants to stay close to me while she is still in her last year of law school because it is so difficult and she needs the support.  She also said he has to figure out what she wants to do so she doesn’t want to break things off completely.  I am very hurt and frankly, I think she is hurting too, but I don’t really know what to do except respect her wishes. I feel devastated, and lonely. I miss her!  I guess I could stick around and continue to be her friend and support her as she is requesting, but it is so hard on me.  And I can only hope that she realizes that our religious and cultural differences can be resolved and societal pressures can be dealt with.  Can’t love keep us together and conquer all?  

 

 

I guess our parents think we'll make a good couple

I guess our parents think we’ll make a good couple

Alison Take:  You have brought up several different issues here.  The first that I see is really more important than anything else, and that is your girlfriend says is not in love with you.  It wouldn’t matter if you were both Sikh, or both Hindu, if she wasn’t in love with you and didn’t want to be your marriage partner, the relationship wouldn’t be the right one no matter how perfect you think it is.  Both partners have to feel the same way, or at least similarly.  Three of our former Q&A features on leatherandlaceadvice.com might give you some additional perspectives on this:    Read:  How do I know If I Have Found A True Love?;  Read: She Says She Loves Me But She’s Not In Love With Me;  Read: I’m So Addicted to Her and I Can’t Break Free).

That said, it is possible that your girlfriend is now under a lot of stress, and realizes that having a boyfriend is making it more difficult for her to focus on her studies. She, like you, may not want to be hurtful, but knows that the relationship you have is one of warmth and comfort, but it isn’t going to be one of long term commitment.  It wouldn’t be kind or fair of her to keep you hanging on hoping for something more when she doesn’t intend to follow through with that.  So she is doing the right thing to tell you the truth and set you free to find a woman who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.

It could also be that she has been pressured by her family to find someone who is Sikh.  Yes, love should conquer all, but as a dating & relationship expert who used to write a love advice column for Chai Time  (an Indian dating site), I am well aware that not some families are still very traditional. Your girlfriend will be a working woman with a career when she graduates from law school, but she is probably still her father’s dutiful daughter,  loyal to her family above all. She will follow their wishes for her to marry a man who is either chosen by the family, or at least shares their  religion. It may seem unfair that love can’t keep two people together, but sometimes, it just doesn’t.

Any breakup is difficult, especially when you really love someone.  I can’t tell you that being without her as a girlfriend will be easy.  It takes time to get over the pain of it.  But you will survive it, and the good news is that you now know that you can and must find the right woman for you.  This woman, no matter how special, is apparently not the right one.  If you are fortunate, you will also be able to keep this special woman in your life as she requested, as a friend.  If it is too painful for you to do that at this point, do the traditional thing and surround yourself with friends, family and lots of activities.  Keeping busy isn’t a substitute for a beautiful love life, but it helps. In time, you will move forward again.

 

Tony’s Take:  To Alison’s excellent advice, I add the following to help our readers understand:

For those of our readers who do not understand how huge a cultural difference this is, a brief word of explanation is in order.  The cultural difference is much greater between these two religions than, for example, Christianty nd Judaism. The Sikh people are a proud but insular people because they have been strongly identified by their religion, which contains elements of several western religions as well as a prophetic tradition of its own. Since they so identify with the religion and the culture surrounding it, and the long tradition of arranged marriages, there is huge pressure on any member to marry within the religion. On the other hand, the Hindu religion is a more traditional Eastern religion. Regardless, both religions are not particularly accepting of outsiders and have  deep seated beliefs which are hard to reconcile, particularly when it comes to modern marriages in other words, those not arranges by the parents.

Since it is apparent that your girlfriend is conflicted about this tradition, probably because of the influence of her parents and family, she is looking on  having a relationship with you meaning that she has to give up her friends and her family in order to be with you, a scary proposition for any woman. There is little you can do, since she would have to break with tradition to be with you, and she is not yet ready to do that.

Related Posts

My Fiance’s Kid is a Terror, Do I Have to Take It?

My Fiance’s Kid is a Terror to Him, Do I Have to Take It,Too? Genny writes: “My fiance, Matthew, lets his 11-year old push him around too much. He doesn’t listen to anything my Matthew says and never helps out at home–he won’t even make his bed. Matthew’s ex-wife is a horror who tells “Davey” what a lousy husband my […]

My BFFs Think Jeff is a Jerk, Now What?

   Dear Alison and Tony:  I have been dating “Jeff” for a couple of months now, and I couldn’t wait to introduce him to my three best friends. I was sure that they would love him as much as I do.  Imagine my horror when all three hated him!  One said Jeff was a bit of […]

Should I stop searching for love and get a dog? Advice please

Dear Leather and Lace Advice:  I have plenty of people to hang out with, and I do go on actual dates, but aside from my parents, no one has ever said “I Love You” to me. Most of my friends are already in couples and I’m beginning to think I’ll never find love of my […]

WHAT DOES TRUE LOVE MEAN TO YOU? #ValentinesDay, #Love, #relationships

On Valentines Day we always offer a new version of our original feature “What Does True Love Mean to You?” Love takes so many forms! We hope you’ll enjoy our view of what true love means to us, and what it can mean to you. lease feel free to share it, leave comments, etc.   Alison & […]

My boyfriend won’t move forward & I want a life. What should I do? #Relationships, #datingissues

Dear Alison and Tony, My boyfriend (Bob) and I have been together about three years, but He doesn’t want to move the relationship forward,  I do!  I want a life, not just what we have now. We live commuting distance to one another and we each have a car, but while Bob will travel miles for […]

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

LEATHER AND LACE® is a registered United States trademark. No portion of this web site including illustrations, may be copied or used in any way without written permission. The content in this web site is based upon what works in the real world, It isn't a substitute for professional, in-person counseling. Leather and Lace Advice uses provided samples for most of its reviews, To learn more please read our Privacy/Legal Disclosure

Copyright © 2023 · Modern Blogger Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

Posting....