Leather and Lace Advice

relationship advice, love, dating, relationships and more

Follow Us!

Follow Us on TwitterFollow Us on FacebookFollow Us on Google+Follow Us on About.meFollow Us on RSSFollow Us on PinterestFollow Us on YouTubeFollow Us on WordpressFollow Us on AdviceSisters.comFollow Us on FacebookBroup Great Relationships JOIN US!
  • Home
  • Questions/Advice
  • Contact Us
  • Articles
  • Archives
  • About Us
  • Press
  • Privacy/Legal
  • COMMUNICATING
    • Communicating in Relationships
    • Enhancing Intimacy
    • Infidelity and Affairs
    • Living Together
    • Trust/Jealousy
  • DATING
    • Dating Issues
    • Dating Tips & Advice
    • Reviews
  • FRIENDS & FAMILY
    • Friend & family issues
    • Friendship
    • Work & Love
  • RELATIONSHIPS
    • going forward
    • Difficult Relationships
    • Divorce
    • Making a Commitment
    • Relationship Tips & Advice
  • SPICE!
    • Intimate Interviews
    • Intimate Reviews
    • Sex Issues
      • Spicy Topics & Adult Passion

My Girlfriend is Giving Holiday Gifts to Others But Not To ME!

December 13, 2017 By: aandt2 Comments

frosty is sad

It is the holiday season, but I didn’t get a gift from my girlfriend so I’m sad

Hi Alison & Tony:  My girlfriend and I have been dating for only about 4 months and we have a long distance relationship, I want this to be a serious relationship, so for the holidays I am going to her home state in the Midwest from my home back east to be with her for a couple of days.   I have bought her gifts before this, but now with Christmas coming, I took your advice from another one of your Q&A’s and broached the subject of gifts and should we exchange them?  she said she couldn’t afford it. That would have been ok (I am still bringing her a few little things to put under the tree) until she told me that she’s doing Secret Santa for a co-worker and sending a care package to a friend who is down in the dumps. So my question is: am I being selfish or greedy to resent the fact that she can manage to buy gifts for other people, but nothing for me? After all, I’m also making the effort in time and expense to be with her for the holidays. Don’t I deserve some recognition, even if it is just from the Dollar Store?  Am I wrong to feel this way?   Call me “Sad Samuel”

 

alison and tony avatar 2017

Tony’s Take: Samuel, it is the holiday season and one must in the spirit of giving give her the chance to prove how valuable you are to her.

But at the end of this trip, you have had a fabulous time and she has shown nothing but love and affection then the small material things do not count.

You are getting out in front of things because you do not know as of yet what small nice thing she intends to be her hearts’ present to you — the sharing of herself and perhaps some small token.

A company is a small community and being part of that community she has to do the secret Santa thing or else be ostracised by the most important part of her daily life since she is not currently living with you. Likewise, sending a small present to a friend of hers who she has known perhaps ten times as long as you and who perhaps has been ten times as supportive than you have been is something she has to do in order to be a good friend.

You are in a relatively new relationship and it sounds like you make more money than she does therefore whatever you do must be proportionally larger in scope than anything she does and vice versa it is the small gifts and expressions of gratitude which should fill you with joy.

This is not a possessions race at this time of year. I admit that you feel very anxious about how much she really cares for you and are thus somewhat jealous of anyone else to whom she shows a physical token of affection but it is insecurity on your part.

 

Alison’s Take: I can see why you’d feel slighted, but there’s more to consider before you stay “sad” about this:  

Your girlfriend knows that you are spending time, money, and effort to visit her and that you have already given her gifts in the past.  She should reciprocate with a token of affection to you, even if it’s just cookies she has baked for you to take home.

This might still happen. However, if she offers nothing, she is self-absorbed to the point where I’d look more carefully at whether or not you want the relationship to flourish.

I can see you are feeling anxious. The relationship is less than 6 months old. You’re wondering whether it will last and if she’s into you.

Obviously, gifts say ” I care about you” and they reassure you that she cares.

To be fair, a Secret Santa gift is an obligation that everyone who works in an office must participate in.

We don’t know the extent of her relationship with her friend, but it could be that this is also an obligation gift for an dear old friend.

What now?

I assume, you have already obligated yourself and have your ticket, so you should go, but keep your expectations in check.

Also, keep your eyes open while you are with her and see how she behaves towards others as well as towards you.

This is a good opportunity to discover whether or not there is a reason to return (you know what I mean).

Related Posts

My boyfriend never buys me gifts. Cheap or just not into me? #relationships, #advice

My boyfriend (call him “Frank”) have been in a relationship for four years He is a nice guy who treats me well. My issue is that he never buy me anything — not for birthdays, holidays or our anniversary or for any other reason.  I am not greedy, but I feel that after four years he […]

Relationship Woes: When you are into gifts, and he isn’t #relationships, #advice

Relationship Woes: When You’re Into Gift Giving, But He Isn’t Into Reciprocating!  My boyfriend told me (in advance) of my birthday that he wasn’t going to get me anything. He said he was busy and didn’t have time. This was the first birthday I had celebrated since we started dating just under a year ago. His birthday […]

I Got Him A Gift, But He Didn’t Get Me One. Now What?

Christmas arrived just about four months after Peter and I met. I knew it was probably too soon to get him anything very personal, but after thinking about it for a long while, I got him a beautiful case for his new tablet. He loved it, but didn’t get me anything in return– not even […]

Should I stop searching for love and get a dog? Advice please

Dear Leather and Lace Advice:  I have plenty of people to hang out with, and I do go on actual dates, but aside from my parents, no one has ever said “I Love You” to me. Most of my friends are already in couples and I’m beginning to think I’ll never find love of my […]

Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For Those You Love

Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For The One You Love  by 3wishes.com   Always Appreciated: Give a Valentines Day Card  What iѕ thе bеѕt Vаlеntinеѕ Day Gift Idеа? We think it’s the one that makes those you love feel extra special. Valentine’s Day is February 14th, and it will be here before you know it. Don’t […]

Comments

  1. Rose says

    March 31, 2018 at 9:44 pm

    My boyfriend is never affectionate with me nor does he buy me gifts on my bday, he doesn’t take me out to dinner either. At first I thought maybe he isn’t the affectionate type but he is very affectionate towards his family and always treating them to dinner and buying them gifts. I’ve been with him for four years. Am I being selfish for feeling bad or is this too obvious?

    Reply
    • aandt says

      April 1, 2018 at 9:14 am

      Have you told him how you feel about gifts? If you have and he is ignoring it, that is a serious red flag that he doesn’t care about your feelings. If you haven’t told him, now is the time to speak up, before the resentment builds to irreparable heights or you just give up and remain unhappy about this.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

LEATHER AND LACE® is a registered United States trademark. No portion of this web site including illustrations, may be copied or used in any way without written permission. The content in this web site is based upon what works in the real world, It isn't a substitute for professional, in-person counseling. Leather and Lace Advice uses provided samples for most of its reviews, To learn more please read our Privacy/Legal Disclosure

Copyright © 2023 · Modern Blogger Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in