Alison’s Introduction: I first was introduced to Mistress C.  (aka. “Cee Davinport”) a Dominatrix and Erotica Domme,  as the event organizer and producer of the “The Lair, the BDSM attraction at the AVN show in Las Vegas.  As Mistress C.  described it: ”  The LAIR is an interactive, educational exhibit that gives tangible education about BDSM and kinky experiences. We like to assist others in expanding awareness, understanding and sharing of resources.”  Tony and I wanted to interview Mistress C about her philosophy of the expansion of kink & authentic fetish expression but we didn’t have the time to do so at AVN.  Months later, we were able to re-connect with Mistress C. by telephone. The result is this interview.

In the past, I was not only confused about the difference between a Domme and a Dominatrix, I conjured up all sorts of visions that really didn’t gibe with reality.  Before I met Mistress C. and had a chance to talk to her about what she really does and why she does it, I too had a caricature view without any understanding of what was behind the latex, leather, paddles and “pain.”  Behind all that, there is a real woman, and that real woman is not what you might think!  I hope our intimate discussion with Mistress C. will change some of your assumptions and give you a more enlightened view.

You’re going to want to read this!

 

Tony’s Introduction:   What is a Domme or a Dominatrix  –what are the differences?   As we have discussed previously (and for anyone just joining us for the first time),  being a Dom (a “Dominant” or “Top –the one in control “) is about constructing a scene  (In BDSM, the stage or setting where BDSM activity takes place, as well as the activity itself), whose focus point is that of the sub ( the one who relinquishes control   — a “submissive” or “bottom”).  But on LeatherandLaceSpice.com,  when we have discussed DOMS, most of our focus has been on male Doms.

The life of a Domme, a  female Dom, is quite a bit more complicated.  A Domme with a female sub is capable of creating very elaborate scenes of mutual stimulation,  due to the level of orgasm that can be achieved in each of the two subjects.  But if the a sub is a male, the Domme has to provide part of the focus herself since she has more complicated sexual structure,  and holding him aroused but short of orgasm,  is much of the art of the scene.

A Dominatrix is  a Dominant but she is not necessarily a Domme in the normal sense, as  hers is not a directly sexual relationship  –she is not intimate. Her relationship is an erotic and mental one. A Dominatrix stimulates through seeing and words to intimate fantasy, which can be immensely enjoyable to both partners. This does not mean that climaxes or orgasms do not happen, but they don’t occur  through physical contact or stimulation,  but rather through the teasing artistry of the Dominatrix.

And, as always, we welcome your questions and comments.

 

Leather and Lace Spice’s Intimate Interview With Mistress C.

 

(Introduction from Mistress C. ‘s Website):  Welcome to My Realm:  I’m referred to and known as the Femdom Warrior Goddess and the Femdom Spanking Disciplinarian. Which denote my energies in both my style of play and the way I conduct business.  I work with My clients by providing branding, media, promotion and social media to drive Fetis &  Kink markets to the Expos.  As an experienced entertainer, structured dominatrix My mission is to expand understanding and tolerance for BDSM practitioners. I host the Whip Appeal Talk Show live each Tuesday Studio on the Air, Replay Thursday Nights on the All Pleasure Network.  I am available to book for guest appearances, seminars, panel discussions, retreats, or private consultations. I’m a High Protocol, Femdom and My energy is of Methos Goddess Athena the Warrior of War and Wisdom! Enjoy My Realm ~ Mistress C.

Question:  Can you describe what it is that you do? What is a high protocol sensual dominant?

Mistress C.:   A high protocol Sensual Dominant ? It is very simple.  I like those who engage with me to understand the things I hold dear and enjoy within the lifestyle — the service, and the ways the people can serve.   I like the energy, the exchange between two people who are very clear of the places that they’re planning to entertain for that moment, for that length of time, whether they’re live-in, or whether they’re coming for a session for an hour or two — it’s the same. People are addressing me,  or  addressing the relationship in a way that sets it apart from anything else they may do in a lifetime.  I enjoy it when a submissive comes to see me perform and in my presence, the  drop to the floor, kiss my feet — my boots, you know– whatever the case may be. It just gets me in the mood  (Misstress C. gives a deep, sensual sigh)

 

 Question:  What  would you tell our readers who might not be familiar with the type of BDSM you practice about your philosophy of it?

Mistress C.:  Thank you for asking. I think that’s a great question.  My philosophy behind BDSM and how I practice it.

One thing is for sure, I am an older woman I grew up in a household that was matriarch-based. We had women who lived those relationships within the household, so I saw different forms of it  (D/S) as a child, growing up. As a young adult I looked at it from (the perspective) of my grandmother and my grandfather. They were married for 45+ years. It was my grandmother’s second marriage.  in the first marriage she learned what she wasn’t going to have in a relationship, and she changed it. Then she had a great relationship (in her second marriage)  . As a child, observing my grandfather and her, I remember thinking: “granddad is such a wuss, what’s wrong with him, he doesn’t have any backbone.”  And then I grew up and looked at it and really understood it at lot better. He had so much respect, so much love and admiration for her, I saw it as a child and that’s what I craved for my life.

 

Then, around 17  years of age, I got a chance to see the TV show, All The Glitters.  The males were the ones who served the women. They were the ones wearing the skimpy outfits, and they were the ones being objectified,  and the women were the CEOs and corporate tycoons. And I remember thinking, Oh My Gosh! would it be nice if the world was really like that!. I was 16 or 17 years old.  I saw that show and it was imprinted in my memory.  And as I grew up and as I continued to go through my experiences in life, I knew that I was kinky, My first strap-on purchase was in the early 90’s. There was a young man, someone I was dating at the time, and he enjoyed that kind of play. I didn’t know the different names of  what I enjoyed, I just enjoyed it as part of my sexual experiences. But as a professional dominatrix where sex is off the table and I am having a sensual experience with the people I interact with, the (power exchange) is the best aphrodisiac– the best high I have ever experienced between myself and the bottom (the submissive). I enjoy BDSM from a space of exchange of energy, the sensual play, my most favorite play I enjoy doing!  (Mistress C.  laughs)!

“Alison comments: I  can”t help but comment on something. I can tell from your voice that you are incredibly enthusiastic about it, that you really enjoy this!  Mistress C.”  I really enjoy spanking. It’s my most favorite play. I call myself:  “The Spanking Disciplinarian” The shows — the dungeons that I bring to the porn convention, they are interactive and educational in nature by intention. It gives people an experience that is often, their first.   I have spanked all the known porn stars. I enjoy laying on hands (Mistress C. laughs gleefully again).

 

Question:  Do you think that BDSM is misunderstood in that way?

Mistress C.:  It is misunderstood  in a lot of different ways. We are always attempting to get people to listen a little bit more.  BDSM  is to me,  saying to each other that we are going to engage in a form of play where one person is going to be controlling the scene in one form of the other in relationship to interacting with one another. But  if we look at what’s outside of the BDSM space, we have to look at everything about it. When I speak with those who are new to BDSM in particular,  it is about communication and negotiation. It  is about two people  deciding that they are going to engage each other in the types of forms that they would like to participate in. BDSM is not abuse. I always advocate that. Abuse is something else –meaning someone is not consenting to be hit.  Someone is not consenting to have emotional manipulation — emotional humiliation.  ALL of these things are happening in abusive situations.  I know the difference.  I know what is and what is not when it comes to BDSM.

 

Question:  So how do you know when you’ve pushed the limits of somebody?

Mistress C.:   I understand that as the “Top”  (The Dominant) , controlling the scene, it is my job not only to make sure that the negotiation (our agreement) is happening and that signals are given both verbal and non verbal to see, feel and listen to my bottom (submissive).  At the end of the day, it is my job to check to see how the submissive is doing.  Often, there may be a lot of reasons why that person may not be able to audibly speak their safe word, and they may forget it. They often do.  It is up to the Dominant to know when the stop the scene, regardless of what the submissive is saying.

 

Question:   Obviously what you do is beyond straight dominance and submission. You are into areas of S&M and some B&D. How do you use intimacy and or sensuality in creating these scenes?

Mistress C.:  I’m not sure  it is a conscious thing  on my part of not. I do enjoy the things I wear. I do enjoy the feel of my clothing (laughs). I do enjoy wearing latex and leather things that make me feel good, not what other people project to think look good on me.  I like to feel empowered all the time, although I already know I am (empowered).  But it’s the projection of the outer, so it’s the clothing —  the things that you wear. Obviously, it is the passion –for me it’s about passion. When I am beginning to have an exchange with someone else I’m in it . I am choosing to focus on the the entire scene,  so when you are in it there is an energy that happens. It  just swarms and swirls around whomever is involved in it. That’s what I like to experience each and every time I’m engaged with someone. I  like to feel that space that is euphoric. It’s not something that is planned , it’s just something that happens when you’re truly engaging in that particular scene.  For example, I had a whole weekend of play where I interacted with a lot of people. One thing in particular that was so hot and steamy was the feedback that was coming from the bottom. I was doing  doing a class —  a seminar, called: “A Day as a Dominatrix.”  Before the class I was just doing an introduction, saying: ” “hello, welcome to the class” and this beautiful woman walks by and she sees me  on sitting the podium. She walks in with this beautiful walk,  and she kneels at my feet and says: ‘Mistress, I’m here. I’m a submissive and I’d like to serve.”   That is all it took.  She had to call her agent and let them know that she was in my class being spanked –she was serving.  It was such a hot scene. Even though it happened to be in a classroom situation,  and even though it’s the kind of situation that happens all the time,  it’s a beautiful thing.  It’s the energy. She gave it, brought it, and it’s  just sexy, And then I let loose and everything happens. Obviously at a convention like this there’s no sex, so I’m sharing the sensual aspects, the art aspects, the beauty within BDSM. That is what I want people to see.

 

Question: How do you identify the sub’s fantasy and how do you work it into the scene?

Mistress C.: There are two ways that I address that situation.  One way is that I have forms and questions that would give me a better understanding of  the things a sub has already experienced, or has fantasies about.  What have they seen, what are their impressions of BDSM?   Those types of questions are asked and those conversations happen. That is the way I can determine what is in a scene.  So if the information matches mine, if we have common goals,  his idea…then the scene at that moment  is created. The tempo, the things I’ll be using and doing, right down to the aftercare they get before they leave…that is a much more structured way of creating a scene. In the case of a scene on the live floor, in the dungeon, for example, when someone says that they’d like to serve, I’ll ask three or four general questions before I touch them. One is very simple, if they are a bottom who enjoys spanking.  I want  to know 1-10 pain tolerance 10 being the hardest and best they can ever have (what do they consider their threshold to be). I just need an idea of what I’m working with.  If they feel that they’re a ten, I may not warm up as I might with someone else.  The second question is finding out their safe words, what they have they used or explaining about what a safe word is (and establishing one).   Then I’ll warm them up then I’ll expand it (if that have not “crapped out”).  The third question I typically ask it to communicate with me. If they are feeling good I want to hear it. I want to be sure that I can hear their safe wood and that they are able to communicate with me. I want to hear them talk. I might also ask if you want bondage, or whipping or things like that within the scene.  I am very creative when I work with people. it just comes. When I touch someone it takes on it’s own energy. I know what I’m going to do, but what happens after that is anybody’s wonderful guess.  I review it later and I think: “wow, that was hot!”

 

Question:   How did you get into the scene, this particular line of work?

Mistress C.:    I didn’t see actual BDSM happening as a young girl, but I saw the real things happening as I mentioned, with my grandmother. She managed the money. She managed the household…

I became familiar with and had an understanding of  leather (culture) and the (BDSM) lifestyle.  My father told me that a  young woman should keep her panties up and  I realized I’d better do just that.  But I just fell into doing some of the things I now do as a Dominatrix, not really having any form of reference of what why or how, it just made sense to me, logically. The dominance and the control were already there.

In terms of career,  I was always the manager. I was in the airline industry for about 15 years. I traveled all over the world and learned a lot about life. Then I went into the mortgage industry and I was very, very successful.  I got married and I got divorced and learned a few more things about life.   In my late 40’s, I chose not to  do things for me. So when I become a professional Dominant I began really learning more about who I am.   And when I do something it’s all the way, not just half. So I thought:   let me share with others how they can they can be more authentic,  and maybe they will be happier (too).

 

Question:  With all of the people you have worked with, has one stood out as most memorable, and why?

 

Mistress C.:  Debi Diamond is the most favorite person I have played with. Every time I see her she makes me swoon. She enjoys the play interaction and I can do most things to her relating to the scene and she enjoys it. She can come on demand.  To me, that’s amazing. She can orgasm even under hypnosis!

 

Question: Have you found personal intimacy and personal eroticism in BDSM relations? Is your personality the same out of scene as in scene?

Mistress C.:  A great question.  Obviously I am a sensual being I am heterosexual,  but I enjoy playing with females. I am just asexual when it comes to play. But in my personal life, I like to fuck (we all laugh) . I enjoy the intimacy more so though because in my professional space there is no room for that.  I’m an older woman I can do a lot of things by myself  (laughs) but when I ‘m in a relationship I tend to gravitate to another Dominant male who is a balanced Dominant male who can appreciate and know that he has  submissives  to play that role space and I have submissive to play that  role space, but together we are all those things that any other couple would be — we just share slaves. (laughs)   As far as having intimacy, that is the number one thing. If there isn’t intellectual stimulation, then there’s nothing else there.  I enjoy intimacy in my personal relationship even more. Otherwise, I can just take out the…. (makes vibrator sounds).

 

Question:  Is your approach to male subs different from your approach to female subs? 

Mistress C.:    Good question.  Yes.  I have noticed that about my self and I am analyzing that, to be honest. I wondered why.  With a female sub obviously the handling and and pampering of her is going to be different,  because if  I can manhandle a man twice my size  I know I have to be a little bit more careful in handling a female.  There are a variety of submissive men, so it depends upon the type of man. Some get on my nerves, I do not like them –some of them are like bratty, submissive women.  I give men less of a learning curve (Mistress C talks about how some men and women top from the bottom –try to control the scene as the submissive, and then she will stop the scene).   If a female or a male were topping a scene from the bottom, I would stop the scene more quickly with a male then with a female.

 

Question: Is  there anything you would like to share with us about intimacy in your own life? How do you balance your public and private life?

Mistress C.:    In the shows that I do, I’m attempting to expand BDSM in a soft way, where the public will learn a bit more about themselves somehow by us (those in the lifestyle) being available a little bit more for questions. I want your  readers to know that I tend to be (and I am) very very active and also musically inclined. I just finished recording my second single. The first one was called “Back it Up Boy”  (*it features Kelo of Global Thugz)  — I consider that more of an anthem –my personal whipping anthem. My second single is called “Sex Slave” .  It was played live at Exotica for all three days and also played at the Exotica dungeon.  (*it’s not released yet but will probably be released on YouTube first — a part of it) .

Mistress C. plays song.   (*this is a link to a video and her first song, Back Up Boy)

 Alison says” Wow, that was amazing, I have no words.”

Mistress C. says:  “One more thing:   (Mistress C/ tells story of a friend — a vendor — she was in Atlantic City for the day and her vendor/ friend in the lifestyle died right in front of her). ”  I felt that was there for a reason and that reason was to be there because no one else would have been there .  I was a first responder. I did CPR on him. We were friends. I was just there for the day just to enjoy the ocean and just hang out, but I had the opportunity to see him just at that last minute, just as he was coming through the door with a smile . He took two steps in, and he dropped. ”

Alison says” That is really terrible. So maybe there is a lesson here for everyone. “

Mistress C. says:  There really is.  I take this lifestyle really seriously.  For me, it’s a code of honor which I’m in. It’s just one more thing that adds to the fact that we are all connected one way or the other.  We are all here for a reason –that those in the lifestyle are all connected to be there for someone.

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