Leather and Lace Advice

Advice for relationships, friendships, love, intimacy

Follow Us!

Follow Us on TwitterFollow Us on FacebookFollow Us on Google+Follow Us on About.meFollow Us on RSSFollow Us on PinterestFollow Us on YouTubeFollow Us on WordpressFollow Us on AdviceSisters.comFollow Us on FacebookBroup Great Relationships JOIN US!
  • Home
  • Questions/Advice
  • Contact Us
  • Articles
  • Archives
  • About Us
  • Press
  • Privacy/Legal
  • COMMUNICATING
    • Communicating in Relationships
    • Enhancing Intimacy
    • Infidelity and Affairs
    • Living Together
    • Trust/Jealousy
  • DATING
    • Dating Issues
    • Dating Tips & Advice
    • Reviews
  • FRIENDS & FAMILY
    • Friend & family issues
    • Friendship
    • Work & Love
  • RELATIONSHIPS
    • Breakups/Moving on
    • Difficult Relationships
    • Divorce
    • Making a Commitment
    • Relationship Tips & Advice
  • SPICE!
    • Intimate Interviews
    • Intimate Reviews
    • Sex Issues
      • Spicy Topics & Adult Passion

My boyfriend cleans my house but has never bought me a gift

August 11, 2016 By: aandtcomment

My Boyfriend Cleans My House But Has Never Bought Me A Gift

Should I be Ok With This?

My boyfriend never buys me anything, although he does pay for dinner when we go to the Olive Garden or when we go bowling or to the movies. Sometimes I pick up the check because I don’t’ think a man should pay all the time.  But I read your your advice column about the woman who says she buys gifts for her guy and he hasn’t reciprocated. I got to thinking about my own situation.  My man hasn’t bought me a single gift in the 4 years we’ve been together. We spend weekends and some nights during the week at my place.   I figured it wasn’t really a big deal that he didn’t get me gifts for holidays or my birthday and things like that  because he does take me dinner on my birthday and some holidays.  I also think he does a lot for me, such as cleaning my bathroom and the cat’s litter boxes. He does our laundry. He even takes out the trash without being asked and he does the dishes when we eat in. Isn’t it sort of a gift when he waxed my wood furniture and now it shines like the day I bought it?   So should I be ok with this and is it “gift” enough? Do tangible gifts tied up with a bow really matter that much?
“Tina”

 

Honey I clean your house, isn't that enough of a gift from me? What more do you want?!

I clean your house. Isn’t that enough of a gift? What more could you possibly want?!

 

tony sabatini head shotTony Take:

How much of a romantic are you?  This is not your knight in shining armor . this man is hardly better than an average roommate!

I hate to be crass about this but it comes right down to it is he as good in bed as he is with the cleaning products? If he is, and you’re not romantic, then keep him around, as long as he makes your life comfortable and better and he provides you with late night amusement without having to leave the house.

As I have said previously in many of our leatherandlaceadvice Q&A columns, gifts are to honor you as a person. The only good gifts come from the heart and are not forced.

Sadly, if this guy is still in his 20’s his parents have spoiled him rotten and it’s all about him. So he is really not marriage material for the next decade. If he can satisfy your libido for that long there’s hope for a relationship. Otherwise, if you are looking for romance, if you are looking for that someone to really connect with on an emotional level, as opposed to the shallow pool you’re currently swimming in,  I would say since he is not really committed to you and don’t stop looking.
If you find someone you think you can like, dump the guy you’re with and start a new relationship clean, until such time

If you find someone you think you can like, dump the guy you’re with and start a new relationship clean, until such time enjoy a neat household and a warm bed.

 

Alison Blkackman head shotAlison’s Take:

Tina, I’ve read a lot of letters from readers in my decades of work online, but yours really surprised me.

Let’s start at the end of your letter:   Yes, gifts do matter.

It isn’t the size of the gift, it’s the idea that he hasn’t ever brought you a single token of his esteem in all these years.

A card, some flowers, even a silly item from the dollar store item shows he’s thinking of you, and not just thinking that your cat box smells so he’ll empty it.

As I see it, if you can afford it you are better off with a cleaning lady to whom you don’t owe your heart or intimacy.

Do you really want a man who cleans your cat box and makes your furniture shine but won’t treat you properly as a lover should?  For all we know, he is just a neat freak who can’t stand to be in your apartment unless it is as neat as a pin and as shiny as a new penny. He isn’t thinking of you when he cleans that cat box, he is thinking that he doesn’t like the stench of the cat box!

Ditto for all the other cleaning that you consider as “gifts.”

A man who does laundry, cleans up after himself, and empties the trash may be a rare gem, but if he doesn’t give you the love and care with even one grain of a romantic gesture he is either a fool or so dense he needs love coaching.

Maybe you are satisfied with this, but if you aren’t (and it appears you aren’t since you wrote to us), you need to speak up and tell him that you would really like him to show his esteem in different ways.  Tell him what you want. Point out little things that don’t cost a lot that you would like and that would be easy for him to get for you.  If he is perhaps afraid of what the symbolism might convey, avoid rings and things like that, just point out tech items or books, or just about anything that won’t freak him out. But then, if he doesn’t deliver even one of these things, you’ll know exactly where you really stand in his life and in his heart.

Related Posts

Should I stop searching for love and get a dog? Advice please

Dear Leather and Lace Advice:  I have plenty of people to hang out with, and I do go on actual dates, but aside from my parents, no one has ever said “I Love You” to me. Most of my friends are already in couples and I’m beginning to think I’ll never find love of my […]

Relationship Questions about “Gifts & the Holidays” That Drive People Insane!

Relationship Advice: Question: I’m worried I Won’t Get My Engagement Ring  Question: What Happens if I Give a Gift and Don’t Get One Back? Alison and Tony aka Leather and Lace:  We receive so many questions about gift giving, and about getting engaged. They’re the ones that drive people absolutely insane.  They’re some of the most anxiety-producing situations in […]

Listen to this Podcast and get the relationship you really want @advicesisters, @leatherlaceadv

Are you frustrated with your relationship or lack one one entirely?  Do you want to know the biggest mistake people make when trying to attract love?  In this 32-minute podcast, Alison Blackman shares the secrets to finding, attracting and keeping a great relationship . Learn what the biggest mistake women make when trying to meet someone. Learn how […]

I met someone I like but I’m avoiding him because I have a secret!

I was born without upper limbs (no arms or hands), but I wear braces that look so real a lot of people think they are real, until and unless I tell them and show them that they aren’t. Mostly, this hasn’t been much of an issue, but when it comes to dating, it can get awkward. […]

My girlfriend doesn’t trust me #cheating

  My girlfriend and met about two years ago and I really love her. I know she loves me as well. But her past relationships have all been bad, and she has been scarred by men who lied to her, cheated on her, and manipulated to think it was her fault. I met her a couple […]

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

LEATHER AND LACE® is a registered United States trademark. No portion of this web site including illustrations, may be copied or used in any way without written permission. The content in this web site is based upon what works in the real world, It isn't a substitute for professional, in-person counseling. Leather and Lace Advice uses provided samples for most of its reviews, To learn more please read our Privacy/Legal Disclosure

Copyright © 2021 · Modern Blogger Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in