Why Does He Always Threaten to Leave Me but He Never Does It?

Hi Alison and Tony, My boyfriend and live-in partner of six years keeps telling me that he is going to leave me.  Then he never does.  He does this even when we’re not arguing about anything in particular. But even so, I always get really upset and in insecure about this but after all this time I just wonder why he continues to do it.  Why does he always threaten to leave me if he isn’t really going anywhere?  I am really sick of this. Is it just a cruel way to play with my emotions?  It’s really upsetting.   

Bonnie

Tony’s Take:

Bonnie, if you are married or engaged to this guy ditch this schmuck along with his wedding ring or the engagement ring because it leaves you free to find someone who loves and respects you.

He doesn’t care at all what he says or does, and every time he says “I’m leaving” he is deliberately mentally abusing you and it’s terribly cruel.

Of course he’s playing a mind game. He continues to stay because he is comfortable with you. He won’t leave unless another woman seduces him because this is so easy!

But consider:  You are the one actually in control here.

To quote a cliche: ” You deserve to love and cherish someone who loves and cherishes you as much as you cherish him …and this guy isn’t it.”

There are plenty of other guys out there. I hope you go out and find a nice one.

Alison’s Take.

Bonnie, every time someone says something harsh or mean in a committed relationship it chips a little piece of that relationship away, along with a little piece of your heart.

So the next time your guy threatens to leave you should inform him of this fact. Tell him that if his goal is to ruin the relationship he’s doing a superb job of it

You’ve had enough after all these years. You’re wise to his manipulations.

He must understand that he’s overplayed this game and you are worn out from these threats.

The next time he threatens to leave, be courageous and calmly point to the door. Ask him if he really wants to go through it for good.  Suggest he think about it carefully,

If he doesn’t really plan to leave and this is just another in a long line of his drama plays, he must never threaten you with this again or you will show him out, for good.