I’m currently engaged to a great guy, Everything is fine except for our love life. He’s very vanilla in the bedroom and I want more spice. I am hoping for: “Dominate me Sir!” I’ve asked him to expand our vistas and he has, but I don’t think he enjoys it. I don’t want to give up forever on something I really enjoy when we’re not even married yet. How can I satisfy my needs as well as respect his boundaries so it is more enjoyable for both of us?
Spicy Submissive Saundra
You need to do in gentle steps to him what you want him to do to you
Within the dominant and submissive community, there is a truism that every Dominant would be a submissive for the right person and every submissive would be a Dominant for the right person.
Your issue here is you want the intimacy of Dominant submissive relationship in the bedroom.
More likely, it just wasn’t on your fiance’s radar screen and so he was surprised it was something you would want and need.
The answer here is very simple: you need to do in gentle steps to him what you want him to do to you.
I don’t mean whips and chains and ropes, oh my! But rather the intimate things.
You might start out as any dominant would as take his head in your hands tilt it to the proper angle and kiss him intimately.
Intimacy is about two points of contact, sex is about one.
With intimacy, you are always stimulating with multiple parts of your body. Sexual stimulation is a singular thing.
Then trail your lips along his cheek down along to the back of his neck and throat kissing him, putting your hand in his hair with the other gently controlling him.
Kiss him down to his chest and progress beyond.
Now have him do the same thing to you.
As he learns to play with your body to stimulate you and ultimately help you do achieve fulfillment as you do with him he will start understanding what the whips and chains and ropes oh my! are about.
It is about teasing and control, control over when the other person gets satisfaction, and how which can greatly increase their overall satisfaction.
He may find himself enjoying it more as he sees how much he has the power to delight you
When two people are into different things, you may or may not find that you can come to a middle ground.
Tony’s recommendation is a good one, but your fiancé might still not warm up to it the idea of being your Dom no matter how much you try it.
If he does, that’s great, but if he doesn’t, don’t despair.
Being part of a couple means compromise.
Your fiancé has already agreed to please you by taking a Dominant role in your bedroom.
If it’s only occasional, he may find himself enjoying it more as he sees how much he has the power to delight you.
But even if he doesn’t really love it as much as other things you can and will do consider that you will be doing things that he likes better than you do.
This is why relationships that are loving, are also giving and generous.
Neither of you should mind pleasing the other as it can and will balance out.
Should you wish to be a 24/7 submissive, that’s another matter. In that case you may really have to re-examine your commitment to be with this vanilla man forever.
But assuming it’s just for a bit of spice, don’t worry, this can and will work itself out.