boyfriend Issues: My Vibrator Threatens Him! #SexIssues

I am not sure if your boyfriend is really against the idea that women masturbate. Surely he does it, and he knows that it is a normal thing to do for most people.  But some men are threatened by the very idea that “sisters are doing it for themselves” and that they really don’t need men to have pleasure.  The fact is, you don’t need a man to  masturbate yourself to orgasm whether you use a vibrator or not.   Depending upon how your boyfriend was brought up, his view of this might be that a man’s duty and his right is to be a woman’s only method of pleasure. It is ridiculous and unreasonable, and you are going to have to work hard to change his mind about this.

Tony’s Take:   “F,”  You unfortunately have a very insecure male here who does not understand the use of sex toys,  nor the fact that they are far more powerful when used by him then when you use them. It was a great revelation in my early sex life in my 20’s to find what glorious things and to what glorious heights I could bring a woman’s body to with a simple vibrator. I have used vibrators successfully to bring women who normally can’t orgasm to orgasm, and to teases  normally orgasmic women to far higher levels than I can achieve in any other manner.

“F, your boyfriend could really use a better understanding of a woman’s body. He has not learned that the key to an orgasm is convincing a woman’s body that a particular feeling will go on forever. This is why a vibrator, when used for masturbation,  is so important for a woman. The tiny motion of her fingers may fail to excite her properly, but  a vibrator is constant and unrelenting, always building towards the plateau. Thus, for many women, a vibrator is the best form of sexual relaxation or sexual tension release.  Your boyfriend  needs to experiment with using a vibrator. There is a difference between simulating the clitoral hood, stimulating the clitoris, the entrance to the vagina, actual penetration, and stimulation of the whole inner labial area. Each area has a different  effect on the woman.  and is part of  the repertoire he should be using to stimulate her  during foreplay as well as using the vibrator on the breast and nipples. Often, you can achieve orgasm in your partner using these techniques which makes a second orgasm during intercourse deeper and more fulfilling.  Your partner needs to get over his insecurity about vibrators because until he learns how to use one properly,  he will not fully understand the value to himself and to the relationship. F, you  would be best advised to show him how a vibrator is used in each of the areas I discussed,  and then have him repeat it so that he can get comfortable with it.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?  HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS ISSUE?  We hope you’ll share your thoughts in LEAVE A COMMENT below, and click YES or NO in our POLL on the right hand side of this page. And most of all, while this reader question may not be relevant to you, maybe it is to someone you know, or another probable or issue is bothering you. Why keep it inside?  ASK US ANYTHING!  IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OR ISSUE, OR SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH YOUR PARTNER BUT ARE AFRAID TO ASK, WE’RE HERE TO HELP.  We can’t read your mind (but we can read your email).  If you’re worried about someone knowing it is you, please be assured that we treat your privacy as we would wish ours to be treated. (our privacy policy). Details from reader questions are completely changed (the main issue remains) so no one will know it is your letter.  We stake our reputations on it! We can’t help you if we don’t hear from you. You can’t move forward if you don’t make a move. What’s your special kink?  What’s on your mind that you are too shy to share with your partner?  We’ll whitewash the living daylights out of your details and post it here, so you can share it and give him or her the idea to take things in new directions?  This is the moment to take action!