Alison’s Take:
“F” Thanks for your question. As I read what you have written, it seems to me that your boyfriend is not so much threatened by a harmless piece of plastic as he is by the thought that you can give yourself pleasure without him, and that something other than his penis could give you satisfaction when he should be doing that. While it seems a bit immature to me, the idea of a mechanical device giving you pleasure obviously is a blow to his ego and the very thing that he can do for you that he feels no one (and nothing else) could or should do.
First, you need to make him understand that there is no competition between the way he pleasures you, and the way a vibrator (or your fingers, or anything else) does. Pleasure is pleasure, but the intimate connection you have with him as lovers is paramount and nothing else will ever come close to that. You have said you’ve tried to convince him of this, but you need to try be even more reassuring.
Tony’s Take: “F,” You unfortunately have a very insecure male here who does not understand the use of sex toys, nor the fact that they are far more powerful when used by him then when you use them. It was a great revelation in my early sex life in my 20’s to find what glorious things and to what glorious heights I could bring a woman’s body to with a simple vibrator. I have used vibrators successfully to bring women who normally can’t orgasm to orgasm, and to teases normally orgasmic women to far higher levels than I can achieve in any other manner.
“F, your boyfriend could really use a better understanding of a woman’s body. He has not learned that the key to an orgasm is convincing a woman’s body that a particular feeling will go on forever. This is why a vibrator, when used for masturbation, is so important for a woman. The tiny motion of her fingers may fail to excite her properly, but a vibrator is constant and unrelenting, always building towards the plateau. Thus, for many women, a vibrator is the best form of sexual relaxation or sexual tension release. Your boyfriend needs to experiment with using a vibrator. There is a difference between simulating the clitoral hood, stimulating the clitoris, the entrance to the vagina, actual penetration, and stimulation of the whole inner labial area. Each area has a different effect on the woman. and is part of the repertoire he should be using to stimulate her during foreplay as well as using the vibrator on the breast and nipples. Often, you can achieve orgasm in your partner using these techniques which makes a second orgasm during intercourse deeper and more fulfilling. Your partner needs to get over his insecurity about vibrators because until he learns how to use one properly, he will not fully understand the value to himself and to the relationship. F, you would be best advised to show him how a vibrator is used in each of the areas I discussed, and then have him repeat it so that he can get comfortable with it.
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