Alison and Tony, I’ve been in a relationship with “Bob” for 8 months. I feel that he was unfaithful, at least online, as we wouldn’t post anything about us on social media. He wouldn’t even acknowledge what I posted or let me tag him. We got to the point where Bob would tag me on his own social media posts and he would take photos of things like my dog, or meals we ate, and so forth, but he wouldn’t mention me. He also did like my posts and let me tag him. The past couple of months it’s been a different story and he’s running hot and cold again. He hasn’t refused to let me tag him but he won’t put up anything that shows the two of us together. Should I be worried, or is he just an overly private person? Thanks, Arienne.
There are some people who just avoid social media entirely but most people are on the popular social media sites. For many people, changing their status on Facebook, adding photos and tagging them shows commitment and exclusivity. It’s a big thing, the next step in solidifying a relationship and showing the world that you two are a couple.
Your boyfriend could just not want anyone to know his business, but you have to ask why. If he’s not in the witness protection program and if he’s not seeing other women (that you know about) perhaps he has been unfaithful in actuality, not just in cyberspace.
Now that you are 8 months into the relationship but he still refuses to let his friends and followers see that he is involved with you, it is definitely a sign that he can’t or won’t commit.
You say he let you tag him but you never said he tagged you, or that he put photos up showing the two of you together. And you didn’t say if his Facebook status is “in a relationship.” I’d guess that he trying to stay aloof until he figures out if you are the one he really wants. Clearly, he cares enough for you to stick around, but is it enough? It’s time for you to find out.
What You Can Do:
Yes, I’d be worried, but I’d also be pro-active. I’d get my friends to take group photos with both you and your boyfriend in them and then tag him. If he doesn’t balk at that too much, it’s time for the twosome selfie. If he won’t let you post them, trouble ahead!
However, social media posting is not a substitute for getting together face to face and discussing this issue. If he knows that tagging and posting photos is important to you and he refuses to do it, that is a big red flag. Communication in a relationship has to be personal and real, not just what someone else sees on a computer screen or smartphone.
If you are a couple, and you’ve been dating for what is getting close ot a year, it’s time for him to show it. If he can’t or won’t, you’re not really as solid as you want to be.
There are a whole group of men who are never satisfied with what they have but rather go looking for the next big thing and the next relationship.
When Bob didn’t want you to tag hin originally it was because you would cut into or might create a scenario where he would have to explain who you are to a woman with whom he is trying to essentially seduce. This is always a bad sign when your partner doesn’t want to have any public connection to you.
People fall into and out of love with each other (being in love is different from loving someone– being in love is consuming and all-encompassing).
As I see it, this is his second phase with you where he decided that you were better than what he found out there. Probably, what happened was that he played around or is still keeping his options open.
The problem with being in love is that it eventually cools. It may repeat again but there is definitely a cool down period. That is where it seems to be now. He is trying once again to decide whether there is companionship for him out there which could, eventually, replace you.
What You Can Do
Since he has been in love with you he is actually easy to get back but you have to make him want to be in love with you again.
When this type of things happens we tend to be standoffish because we no longer know our status, this is exactly the wrong thing to do! You want to go back to bonding with him.
To a man, this is all about touching, kissing and showing passion. He wants you to be happy and look good and you can’t slack off because that is what ruins many relationships. Part of having him want you is to give him what originally attracted you to him.
Readers: what would you tell Arienne to do? Is social media really that important in relationships? Is it harder to cheat now that social media is everywhere? We’d love your thoughts on this. Please comment in our comments section!