Some months ago my fiance broke our engagement. She told me that she loves me and she wants it to work but she can’t make herself feel the same way that I do. She says that I am the best man she will ever know. We’ve had sex since the breakup but she is also hanging out with another guy. I don’t want anyone else, even if she does. No one else could possibly be as beautiful and amazing as she is. Since the breakup all I do is think about her, I don’t even know how to be happy with my friends and enjoy life anymore. I pray to God that he will bring her back to me. I guess I really need some help.
Oh Sam! I read your email several times and Tony is not available to work with me on this, and obviously, you need more than prayers to help you so I’m answering on my own. Your fiance broke your engagement and she is cheating (or considers the engagement broken so she’s free and justified) with someone else.
You have sex with her but she’s not really with you in heart and spirit. That sounds like a great reason to be depressed.
Love is a risky business, and it can hurt as you have discovered. But you can’t make someone love you who doesn’t.
You say that your ex thinks you’re a good man (that’s her guilt talking although I’m sure you ARE a good man). You say that she’s your best friend, and that is what she should be, a friend.
A fiance doesn’t diss you with other guys and then break up with you. A true friend doesn’t, either.
I know you feel that no one can compare to this person, but that just isn’t true. It just feels like that because you have lost something important and precious to you. I’m not sure how or why, but I am guessing you are young, and your fiance needs to find out more about herself. It’s probably less about you and what you may or may not have to offer than this simple fact.
Sam, there are so many wonderful, beautiful and amazing people in the world. No one person is everything you want. You’ve already discovered that. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A woman who cheats and hurts you cannot be the beautiful amazing person you think she is.
A Lid For Every Pot
As my wise grandmother used to say, there is not just a lid for every pot, there is always more than one that will fit. On a literal basis, this is true. I’m always using a lid from another set of cookware when I can’t find “the one lid” that is supposed to be the ONLY one!
I’m sure you get the analogy. Once you decide to move on, you’ll find amazing “lids” to fit your “pot.” Eventually, you will find the one lid that fits you the best.
My Advice To You:
Now, how can you get out of your doldrums and start enjoying your life again?
Ok…I know it’s not so easy since you are so hung up on this person and are so upset. It’s understandable that you are, Anyone who has loved (and lost) a love knows how heartbreaking it feels and how sad it makes you.
So let yourself feel the loss and sadness….for a while.
However, if your sadness is more than just temporary, you will gain insight and solace from a support group or counseling. In fact, being with others who are going through similar emotions can be a really helpful thing, and a dating support group might be just the thing for you (read: Hunting? Hurting? A Dating Success Team Group Can Help You Get a Grip).
I know you will get over this and move on, it’s just a matter of time and how tightly you hold on to something that wasn’t meant for you. Good luck!