My girlfriend and I broke up for four months after being together for three years. Then we got back together. I’m 21 and she is 19. I take her to fancy places but she tells me I’m not romantic enough. I offered that she could see the world with me after I enter the military and go to boot camp. Now she says she’s not in love with me anymore and has been texting with a guy she met during our break. I know we are both young but I think we could make it work. I try to make her feel like she’s my queen, so why is she treating me this way?
Sign me “Thad”
It’s hard for a lot of guys out there to understand that when a woman says you are not romantic it many times means that you don’t give her the small signs of affection which women need in order to feel loved and cherished. First off, for most women, kissing is more important than sex. Not only do you need to kiss her gently and romantically on the lips, but the kissing should also include her cheek and her neck. Women like to hold hands and women like to be hugged and caressed, two things most young men do not understand.
Verbal terms of flattery and endearment are necessary to make her feel appreciated and loved. If you have been intimate then obviously she is beautiful to you and you should tell her that’s she’s beautiful. When she goes to please you she needs to be complimented and appreciated for doing so.
Your girlfriend is not of an age where she will naturally look toward older and more mature men and this is hard to compete with as someone who has less life experience. You, however, are about to enter the military. You will rapidly become more mature because that is the purpose of things like boot camp.
The important thing is that if you really do love her to keep in contact with her and write her letters or call her as you can. As she sees you mature and become more responsible because your career will demand it of you, she will again see the person she fell in love with.
An Amazing Opportunity
Going into the military is an amazing opportunity for you. You will get chances at very high paying careers after the military. That is if you are mature enough to work very hard and take on responsibility. Also not to go carousing all of the time. You should also take advantage of military educational benefits to get a degree or a post-graduate degree.
Your and her twenties are a time of experimentation and growth. When she reaches about 25 she will seriously think about settling down which for you is perfect since by that point you will be much more mature and responsible than anyone else in her normal dating pool.
For now, there is nothing you can do so she doesn’t feel trapped and wishing for a wider experience in the world. You have to give her the time to discover exactly how good a person you are and how much she will miss out on unless he gets back together with you.
I think your current situation has less to do with how romantic you are, but that you are now both in transition. You started your relationship with this girl when she was just 16 and you were just 18 if I counted correctly. So both of you really haven’t had a lot of time to find out who you are, what you want, and really truly fall in love with the person you might want to spend forever with.
Tony’s is focusing mostly on how to make your girlfriend feel wanted and appreciated, and that is lovely, but as I see it, the real stumbling block here is that you are going into the military. I assume you want that to be your career. As Tony suggested, it’s a great opportunity for you.
But, Thad, maybe your girlfriend thinks that military life isn’t a great opportunity for her. I notice you didn’t mention marriage. Being a military wife and having to be flexible, strong and supportive, plus dealing with a lot of “alone time” is not for everyone. You are asking her to come along for the ride without any security or career path of her own.
Your girlfriend is very young and probably realizes that she doesn’t have the skills quite yet to handle the situation. More importantly, there is no win-win for her right now.
The Other Guy?
As to the other guy she is texting, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care for you. I suspect it’s just a way for her to start exploring other options when you go away. After all, women love men in uniform and you’ll have plenty of attention. So I would guess that she wants to be sure she’s not lonely when you’re gone.
I know it must hurt you to think that you might have to be without your girlfriend, but you are the one leaving for a new life and career. Give her the same opportunity to find her own social and career options outside of your relationship….at least for now.
My advice to you is to definitely continue with your plans. Meanwhile, show your girlfriend some understanding. Encourage her to develop a career and a life of her own so you each have hopes and dreams. Of course, try to keep in touch.
If after boot camp and some additional time to get your life together, once you are both better established, only then do I see this relationship working for the long term.
You both have plenty of time to wait, don’t rush it. Good luck!