Dear Leather and Lace Spice: What’s your take on adult novelties? My wife’s a little bored with our sex life and suggested we get some toys to play with. She left the selection to me and I’m pretty clueless about what adult novelties are and what they do. Is an adult novelty the same thing as a sex toy? Can you suggest some?
Tony’s Take: Adult novelties (aka. “toys” ) are definitely a way to add some spice and fun to your life! Consider that women are complex creatures that require arousal and stimulation to achieve orgasm. Even the best of us are challenged by this daunting task. However, in this modern age, help is available to us to make our sweet intended partners blissful without incurring cardiac arrest or carpal tunnel syndrome!
A lot of men think that the beginning and end of stimulating a woman is penetrating her in any number of positions. A man’s penis is an adult novelty to some (pun intended), but penetration alone gives no recognition to the complex set of nerves and feelings which are the part and parcel of female arousal. Even the more enlightened man who may perform oral sex on his intended is not exploring the gammit of feelings and emotions he can generate from his partner. In order to be a good lover, he she want to experiment, and be imaginative about how he arouses her and brings her to orgasm. The goal is to use your partner’s natural responses to excite her and arouse her so that when penetration actually occurs, she is more than ready to climax with you.
Aside from your penis, your fingers and your tongue are better than any adult novelty aka. “sex toy” you can buy, but modern technology has given you a plethora of other aids to make your life easier, and her experience, something special. Very few women can resist the stimulation provided by a simple ball headed massager (it’s wise to use a condom over the ball head because you don’t want to spread germs — or be sure to clean it very carefully before and after use). By using such a vibrator directly on the pubic mound you stimulate not only her clitoris but the whole vaginal area and in a way which is not possible without such a device. Similarly, small vibrators like “pocket rockets” when applied directly to the clitoral hood or opening to the vagina produces a very pleasant stimulation which greatly arouses your partner. You can use bullet vibrators or G-spot vibrator to simulate a woman internally as well as externally. There are points within the vagina which are very sensitive and by applying vibration directly to them, you can give a woman new heights to her pleasure. Note that straight dildos do not provide as much sensation since they are a single source of stimulation which is that of depth, whereas a bullet vibrator provides both the depth and the vibration.
A fun toy is a pair of vibrating eggs. One is inserted in the vagina and the second is used to stimulate the clitoral hood. By having these two sources of vibration they greatly enhance each other. Also popular are rabbit vibrators, but they are specialty devices which really must be matched to the individual woman. The problem with a rabbit is that they use an average vaginal depth which means on 50% of the women, it’s wrong, as their vagina’s are either too short, or too long for the device.
Cock rings that hold vibrators are a fun enhancement for many couples because they provide clitoral stimulation during intercourse . The vibrator can be positioned so that it makes contact when a man is fully involved, thus greatly heightening the woman’s pleasure.
These are just some ideas for play that can add new fun to your sex life.
Alison’s Take: As far as many men are concerned a woman is already a delightful play toy with lots of fun options: hair, breasts, vagina and possibly the anus. But adult novelties aka. actual sex toys can provide more interest in new ways, as Tony as already suggested. I used to think that sex toys were unnecessary and perhaps even distracting, but I’ve come to appreciate their role in the bedroom not just as a way to encourage orgasm, but to combat boredom — because toys are fun. When you are a child, toys are a way to stimulate the mind – to be creative. and to have fun and be social. Why should it be any different for adults?
Tony talks about different kinds of vibrators that will help a woman orgasm, but there are plenty of other types of sex toys that couples can enjoy. For example, if your wife has read 50 Shades of Gray, perhaps some light bondage could liven things up. You don’t have to go all out and build a dungeon, a simple set of soft cuffs or a soft flogger might be just enough to get her motor running. Add a mask and a feather, for fun. For the more advanced, there are nipple clamps and rings, all sorts of dress-up options, and sensual massage oils, candles and lubricants that literally add “flavor” to a sexual routine that has become a bit dull. We recently reviewed a spreader bar, and we have reviewed a number of vibrators — even a unique one from LELO made for couples to use during intercourse. We will be reviewing another LELO product that is brand new a purports to simulate the actions of oral sex (the Lelo Ora) in the not too distant future. Unless you are unique in your anatomy, you cannot perform this act on yourself, so the Lelo Ora should be an interesting toy to try. You can check out some of our other toys & gadgets reviews here on our Leather and Lace Spice web site. *watch for our E-commerce, coming soon!
If you are unsure about how to include toys in your sex life, start with something small, like candles and massage oils, and make it clear to your partner that this isn’t instead of what the two of you do together, but because it is just fun to do new things! Don’t be intimidated. It’s to enhance romance, not to take the place of the intimate connection the two of you share.