I started a friendship last year with a guy that for me was just a Summer fling. Later, I found out he was a liar. He was seeing me but already had a girlfriend. summer fling. After the Summer I moved on, but he contacted me the following Winter. He said he wanted to see where we could be as a couple. Once I agreed, I caught him talking to his Ex, a lot. I told him it was unacceptable and he couldn’t have us both. He said it was no big thing but then he hid the truth from me. I found out recently that he went ot see her in another state. He says they are just friends, but I’m not that stupid! Finally, he admitted that he can’t choose between the two of us. I admit I am jealous. I love him and I don’t want to share him. Right now we’re still living together but he is also talking to his Ex on a daily basis. I don’t know if I should continue to fight for him or just let him go. He is a good man. He spoils me and I think he really does care in a real way. But I can’t continue like this. Please help!!!
Tony’s Take: Posession is 9/10th of the law. You’ve got his body, now let’s make his heart and mind, follow. If you were this other woman I’d say give it up. But he did move to where you are and that means that on some very high level you win out over her. The thing is to accelerate the process before you go nuts.
Your problem is going to be keeping your resentment out of your day to day activities. If you really want to win this race you have to be a better more erotic more sensuous more caring more loving more openly happy more sweet than this other woman could ever think of being. The reason you have to do this is that long distance by phone relationships only focus on the good part of the relationship not the daily things in life which annoy two people so he is comparing the reality of somebody he is living with and the little aggrivations tehre against this ideal of the person on the phone. So you give him a fantasy. Not only that you will find you like yourself more that your sex life wil be better and that very shortly he is going to forget her phone number.
Passion is a very precious thing. If you are passionate about this guy you have to show it. You have to put your arms around him and hug him. You have to kiss him. YUou have to make sure he knows that he is improtant to you. You do these things and you will win because she’s NOT THERE to do the physical bonding and if you physically bond with him he will never be able to touch another woman becuase she will feel wrong.
Alison’s Take: He’s a liar and a cheater and he keeps doing it. Do you want to live the rest of your life trying to find out what he’s doing behind your back?
Yes, I agree with Tony that since he is living with you, you’ve got the upper hand, but he could just as easily move out and shack up with the Ex. No woman should have to deal with the threat of the man she loves, loving more than her.
You know that this man is dishonest. Sure, he may say lovely things to you and treat you “nice” but he is also causing you enough emotional distress to fill a dump truck. If it’s not this woman it’s going to be another, or worse, more lies to keep you in your place, and placated.
My advice? DUMP him and lighten your emotional turmoil.