I raised my cat Muffin since he was a little kitten. Now she’s a few years old and my faithful companion. A few years ago my ex-boyfriend and I fought over who would get custody of Muffin, and I won. For the past two years, I’ve been dating Brian, who told me he really didn’t like animals, especially cats. That should have been a big red flag, but Brian said he was “ok” around Muffin. Now we want to take our relationship up a notch and move in together, but he refuses to move in if I keep Muffin. He lied in the beginning to date me, but he really hates cats and hates my cat. He also says we have to get rid of the cat because his mother is scared of cats. The craziest argument he makes is that he doesn’t see why we should have things in our home that don’t help with the bills. I love Brian but I can’t imagine not having my cat with me. Is there any way I can get Brian to bond with Muffin so we can have family harmony? Many thanks for your advice with this impossible situation — Naomi!
Let’s face it, you the love the cat. Your boyfriend ostensibly loves you. But how much can he really love you if he doesn’t love your cat?
If the guy isn’t allergic then it all comes down to his attitude to small furry things which are great stress relievers and silent friends. If he doesn’t have room in his heart for a cat, how can he have room in his heart for a child (who also isn’t going to provide any income) or even ultimately, for you since if you get pregnant your net earning potential is reduced or may be eliminated.
I am one who is fine with consensual dominant-submissive relationships. If you enjoy them, be happy.
However, think forward into the future with this guy and you will realize he is trying to dominate you psychologically and he wants your unwilling submission and alienating your affection for the one small creature in this world that make you happy. Anyone who is that cruel you really have to re-assess in terms of their marriageability and lifelong companion prospects.
Your boyfriend’s arguments are both ridiculous and particularly cruel. Worse, he lied to you about his feelings to rope you into a relationship.
I am particularly sensitive to animal issues when dating as I have always had cats in my life. When I was single if a man told me that he didn’t like animals, and especially hated cats, I would not date him…end of story.
Muffin is your (fur) baby and a very important part of your family and your life. In fact, as you wrote to us, you had to fight to keep her when you broke up with your former cat-loving boyfriend. There is no way on the Earth you should leave her behind if you choose to move forward with your current boyfriend.
However, as the case may be, think carefully about moving forward. This man lied to you, and now is forcing you to give up something he knows you dearly love. What kind of person does that?
Furthermore, men who don’t like animals tend not to be nice people. If he has a lump of coal where his heart should be, I’d be wary about how he will view you some day. As Tony said in his view, children don’t contribute to paying the bills either, they just cause them.
The other arguments about his mother is another red flag. So he cared more about his mother with whom I am supposing you will not be living, than your feelings? What does that tell you.
Don’t’ try to bond Brian and the cat. It’s not going to work. And, consider giving Brian up because he is a cruel boyfriend who really has no consider or space for your little cat, or you.