I been pushing a fantasy of mine towards my wife for a couple of weeks. At first, she said absolutely not and was very upset, but now I’ve gotten her to “think” about it. How do I get her to open up more and say yes to sex with another man, or at least oral sex with him? I plan to just watch. She says she thinks it might be a turn-on for me to watch her, but she just doesn’t feel comfortable with it What can I do to make this fantasy of mine, happen?
We both had such similar feelings about the email we received that we decided to answer it together:
This type of voyeurism is not what it seems for most people. it is the type of behavior is actually where you are asserting control and dominance over your wife by “giving her away” to another man to use.
Unless your partner is not only 100% in love with the idea and appreciates that type of dominance and control, many many things which are bad for you and her and the relationship may happen.
Not Like in the Videos:
If you have read other letters on leatherandlaceadvice.com you will find lots of situations where someone thought a sexual experience would be amazing only to be disappointed:
One woman persuaded to finally have sex with another man found that she liked having sex more with the other man than with her partner.
In another case, her partner got so jealous afterward that it poisoned the relationship.
A husband wanted his wife to engage in risky sex and the wife didn’t feel quite right about this but she reluctantly went along. Disaster could have ensued!
Finally, a man complained that when he finally got his wife to try anal sex, it wasn’t the sexy romp he thought it would be.
These are just a few examples.
In almost every situation, the idea initially sounded good but the resulting experience wasn’t the fantasy you might see in videos.
For example, oral sex for a woman is a very intimate thing and is an expression of absolute love that she would do this thing for your pleasure.
Doing this with a woman who actually loves you is a transcendent experience. Because of that, it is extremely hard on a woman mentally to have oral sex with someone she doesn’t have an intimate relationship with.
Fun? or Coercion?
There are women who can love oral sex just for the fun of it, but from what you wrote to us (edited for privacy) we can easily see that your wife doesn’t fall into this category. If she did she wouldn’t need to be convinced to do it.
Consider too, that what could become potentially nasty here is that the male whom you are bringing into the relationship is there only to use to the woman.
For most females, this is humiliating and degrading as she is seen not as a person but merely as an object to be used and abused.
Additionally, the option of paying someone whose normal profession is to bring pleasure to women is inherently risky healthwise as many of these people service both male and female clients.
Fantasy or Reality?
You may be able to push your wife into making your fantasy come true, but in reality, it’s not going to be as you imagined it, and the resentment she may feel afterward is probably not worth the “cost.”
We would suggest that you can better save your relationship and find satisfaction more by looking at pornography than at trying to change the basis of your relationship. Since she is somewhat open to new things, try something that will be fun for both of you, not just you, not just her.
The actual act is safer in your imagination, not in your bedroom.